Women find new definitions of femininity through competition in traditionally male dominated sports
Femininity. A social construct, a cell of steel. Urging women and girls to be gentle and soft, empathetic and warm, may sound sweet as honey, but it’s a substance so sticky and thick, it’s bound to choke these “feminine” creatures as it trickles down their throats.
For some women, femininity feels like an obligation, something they owe to society, or perhaps to themselves. However, when stripped to the bone, without the layers of meat and flesh society has used to make femininity a living and breathing expectation, it is defined by Oxford Languages as “qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of women or girls.” The definition itself is simple, leaving each individual to truly define what femininity means to them and how they choose to express it.
Lady Wildcats embody their femininity with strength and power, embracing athletics that are often considered “male dominant,” such as wrestling. Additionally, an all girls recreational basketball team, dubbed “Hot Shotz,” played in a league against opposite sex opponents. These girls felt intimidated stepping into unfamiliar athletic roles, but the friction sparked brilliant flames, showing the community their blazing talent.
Chloe Mellgren, a sophomore who spent two years on the mat in middle school and recently concluded her first high school season, tried several other sports before deciding wrestling was the one for her.
“Wrestling showed me a different sense of community and I love how it’s not really about predetermined skill,” she said. “Wrestling is all about growing with yourself mentally and physically, rather than already being good when you first come into it.”
However, female athletes were subject to criticisms from those unwilling to celebrate the diversity of femininity. Kaylee Beck, a sophomore and first year wrestler, recalls the judgement she received upon trying the sport.
“When I was getting my medical forms in from my doctor, my doctor said to me, ‘you’re a girl, you shouldn’t be doing that,’” she said. “Before I fully got into my groove, comments like that affected me a lot. But then, I saw how close everyone on the team was and realized how much the sport mattered to me.”
“I fell in love with the sport, so I wasn’t going to let anyone take that away from me.” - Kaylee Beck, sophomore
The Hot Shotz were also fueled by their love and passion for the sport, despite the discouraging dms they received on Instagram, and salty looks from opposing teams. Senior Allison Borgmann coordinated the squad by reaching out to her old elementary and middle school rec-ball teammates, urging them to play together for one final season.
Their only goal was to have fun with each other and appreciate the sport, and they felt empowered by the tight bond they shared and their peers supporting from the sidelines. However, Borgmann noticed that it wasn’t always easy to play with confidence.
“It was intimidating to know that the other teams had a physical advantage, and seeing the different team’s reactions was interesting,” she said. “There was this guy who posted a YouTube video about all the games and he made it seem like we were complaining about playing against all guys, when really it was something we were doing voluntarily.”
Borgmann remembers being irked by some of the referee’s comments.
“The refs wouldn’t call stuff on us, which is understandable to a point, but when they started passing us the ball or intercepting the ball for us, I thought that it was really unprofessional and rude,” she said.
Meanwhile, the girls on the wrestling team faced their own set of challenges. Mellgren and Beck concur that meeting weight requirements was the greatest of them all.
Women face unique challenges when it comes to cutting weight due to hormonal fluctuations, and greater rates of water retention. Cuts can also be threatening to the menstrual cycle, thus the process requires mindfulness and intent.
“It was a lot harder for me to cut weight than it seemed for the guys because my weight was changing all the time,” Mellgren said. “Being stuck at or just over a weight is very challenging.”
The coach’s expectations bring on additional pressure as athletes strive to trim their bodies and meet the marks. However, Beck noticed that as the numbers dropped, her wrestling abilities deteriorated in tandem.
“Near the end of my cut, I felt horrible,” she said. “I was exhausted all the time, I was mad at everyone, I didn’t like anything. At that point in the season, I don’t think there was one practice I enjoyed. My coaches even noticed a change in my wrestling and said that I needed to get my energy up.”
As Beck’s energy levels dwindled, so did her confidence. This continues to affect her, even after the season’s end.
“Seeing myself get so skinny made me start to feel really down whenever I started to think I was gaining weight or size,” she said. “I’ve gained weight since the wrestling season, and sometimes I think about how people got used to seeing me in a thinner frame. I think there’s extra pressure for me, as a girl, to maintain a certain figure, which is something I find really horrible.”
There are healthy ways for athletes to lose weight, such as focusing on whole foods and portion control in a gradual manner. However, cutting out entire food groups, or avoiding fueling one’s body entirely, creeps into the territory of disordered eating. The effects of which are detrimental or in some cases life threatening, and contrary to stereotypes, a glance will not expose one’s struggles with nutrition or body image. Eating disorders can, and do, affect men and women alike, and strike regardless of size and age.
However, making weight isn’t the only threat to an athlete’s self esteem. Freshman Joy Wheel has been involved with club gymnastics since a very young age, and started competitive gymnastics in third grade. This year, she stepped away from that world and became involved in high school diving, gymnastics, and track.
In Wheel’s experience with club gymnastics, she felt very prone to comparison, weakening her confidence in her body and its abilities.
“The club dynamic wasn’t great,” she said. “It wasn’t just competition as a team, because sometimes they’d also pin you against your own teammates, and that wasn’t great for a 10-year-old. I used to feel like I was never really enough, but so far the high school environment has been a lot more positive.”
Some individuals are more susceptible to comparison than others, however, it all begins with the environment the coaches establish. Even for the wrestlers, who needed to partake in weigh-ins and sustain specific numbers, the coaches encouraged and aided the athletes so that they could achieve their goals.
Beck felt immensely grateful that her coaches recognized and stepped in when her cutting habits became unsafe. Throughout the entirety of her wrestling journey, their support has been unconditional.
“My coaches are some of the most important people in my life,” she said. “They teach me lessons on and off the mat, and have cared about me like no one else has. It’s so special to have a sport I love, and people around me who I love doing it with.”
The girls are especially appreciative of their head coach, Adam Stuiber, who gave them personal advice, affirmations, and instructions.
“Stuiber was always there for us and he made sure us girls were practicing what we needed to practice,” Beck said. “He’d focus specifically on what the girls were struggling with and exceeding in, and we’d do different things at practice according to how our tournaments went.”
The boys and girls wrestling teams are often grouped together as one, however, their practices and meets were adjacent, not identical, to one another. There were several meets when the girls could not participate due to the low (or nonexistent) number of girls on the other team, and the girls participated in their own invitationals. However, beyond the unique meet schedule, Mellgren feels her team received inadequate recognition for their grit and participation.
“When sectionals came around, the guys had the weight class on their jacket shoulders,” she said. “The girls got the same jackets, but they didn’t personalize them on the shoulder. It was small things like that where we’d realize it’s not exactly even, and us girls would get upset about it, but it’s not like it was a big deal or anything. It was just a small disappointment.”
Next year, the team is exploring the possibility of combining with Oshkosh North for a girls wrestling co-op, in hopes of expanding the program, alleviating the gender imbalances, and diminishing the “small disappointments.” Beck looks forward to watching more women redefine what femininity means to them in an environment that requires resilience and discipline.
“If you’re on the fence, go for it, you only get so many chances,” she said, “I’m really excited to welcome a new wave of girls and to give them the space to learn how to love the sport.”
Wildcats share their "why" in remaining committed to athletics
All responses were collected through an anonymous survey.
“I love having something to work towards and sports make me feel more productive.”
“I love the feeling of satisfaction of accomplishment after a game, and the sense of family I feel with my team.”
“I use my sport to escape.”
“I love pushing myself to get PRs and it keeps me in shape.”
“I feel like my sports are what make me unique and myself. I enjoy practicing and working hard on a sport.”
“It forces me to become a better version of myself. Sports are like a mirror of all the qualities you don't realize you have, both the good and the bad. They bring out the best and worst in people and allow me to better understand myself and how I can grow not only as an athlete but also as a person. Another major reason is it allows me to meet people I otherwise wouldn't have met. I have made so many strong friendships because of sports.”
“I also am a very competitive person and I feel like sports are a healthier way to let that out. I also enjoy learning new things and becoming better at them.”
“They give me something to do and I like being able to connect with people from different grades that I normally wouldn't be able to connect with otherwise.”
“The people and the coaches are always positive and make me feel great about my performance which encourages me to keep coming back.”
by Jazmine Blustin
Published April 28th, 2025
Oshkosh West Index Volume 121 Issue VII