What’s up? Breaking ee from inane banter offers key to lock of lonelinesschains of banal banter leading nowhere
Everyday people are encumbered by repetitious and monotonous greetings, typically posed without genuine interest or curiosity. The simple “how are you” and “what’s up” of daily life fail to foster real conversation and knowledge of other people. Many conversation starters force inevitably shallow interactions that repeat incessantly on a day-to-day basis until the last breath is drawn.
In 2023, the US Surgeon General declared a loneliness epidemic, noting that 21% of all American adults report significant measures of loneliness. Adults ranging from 30-44 reported the highest levels of any age group at 29 percent. The Harvard Graduate School of Education reports that this curable epidemic has been exacerbated by a multitude of causes. Most notably, the digitalization of everyday life and increased workload for many Americans was reported as the number one cause of increased feelings of isolation. Today, people experience powerful human interaction less than ever before, and the interactions that do take place tend to be rather superficial - courteous acts, instead of authentic inquiry.
This seems to be a warning bell for a change in the authenticity of human interaction. Despite daily interaction, we effectively know nothing about each others’ values, background, or aspirations. Many exchanges revolve around surroundings and occurrences, which leaves little room for deeper connections lacking for many Americans. How can we solve this before we join the 29 percent of isolated, alienated, lonely adults?
Instead of asking exclusively shallow questions regarding everyday happenings, there needs to be more situational and experiential conversation starters posed. Something as simple as asking a friend or acquaintance what the first lie they remember telling can offer unique insight about motivations and values as a child but also how they may have changed growing up. The lie could be something as simple as not admitting to punching a younger sibling or fibbing about a bad grade. Either way, the potential answers provide not only a fun biographical fact of the other person and a representation of their values but can also lead into further discussion of how principles may change or stay the same as time goes on. What may start as a simple question can also easily spiral into an exchange of learning about the person’s sibling and family life or how they value grades and education. Such a question offers endless possibilities for answers and allows reflection on core memories that could otherwise be lost.
The possibilities are limitless. What brand of deodorant would you be most willing to name your child after? Which podcast would you like to be a guest on? Do cats tend to gravitate towards you, or do they run away from you? What was the first art project you remember completing in elementary school? What is a piece of clothing that you will never get rid of but also never wear? If you had to live as a three-dimensional shape, which one would you choose? Although super simple questions, they never result in the same exact answer and therefore offer a unique glimpse into other perspectives. The ambiguous and open-ended nature of these types of conversation starters allow conversation to mellifluously flow from childhood memories to dreams and aspirations to even the socioeconomic state of the world.
Currently, the majority of conversations held are rather superficial, shallow, forgotten just a few hours later due to the mundane nature of questions asked. According to the Harvard Graduate School of Education, 62% of Americans reported being overworked and tired as a leading cause of loneliness in America. Not only are many Americans overworked, but many conversations with coworkers, friends, and family revolve around the already stressful work or school day, which allows for little relaxation and ability to decompress afterwards. There needs to be an alternative to the current pattern of conversation, which results in seemingly the same questions and answers on a daily basis. Instead of focusing on regurgitating topics of class or work to force conversation, more whimsical conversation starters should be employed to offer opportunities to learn and grow together.
by Zosia Bowlus-Jasinski
Published March 2, 2026
Oshkosh West Index Volume 122 Issue V