October reflections raise awareness regarding media’s tone deaf approach to abuse

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, almost a third of women and a tenth of men in the United States suffer through abuse. While October is domestic violence awareness month, not enough is being done to address and combat the issues it covers. Abuse has even become glamorized through “BookTok’s” dark romance craze. Booktok is TikTok’s reading community, typically focusing on books for young adults and teenagers. Although it may seem constructive to encourage teens and young adults to read, it often results in significantly more harm than good. 

A popular example of dark romance’s misrepresentation is It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover, which also has a movie adaptation. Hoover misportrays victims’ views on domestic violence. This novel and film are based on a fictional character trapped in an abusive relationship with her romantic partner, seemingly not by fear, but rather by the belief that her experience arises from love. In an article regarding It Ends With Us, Chels Upton from Slate states, “people largely don’t stay in abusive relationships because they think abusive behavior is romantic. The reasons vary, but are largely systemic—without a social safety net, it’s easy to abuse someone not just physically, but financially, essentially trapping them.” Upton confirms that it’s commonly misconceived that people experiencing abuse within relationships stay with their abuser simply because they think it’s love. This belief demeans victims who’ve had no other choice due to reasons such as fear of further harm and even death. Abusers often isolate victims from their close communities including family and friends. Without the support of a community, they feel hopeless, which makes isolation such a terrifying but effective tactic. Upton also states that abusers easily manipulate money, making it even more difficult for victims to escape. They have no way of getting away without adequate funding.

Authors of dark romance books often claim that they are actually trying to bring awareness to domestic abuse, but fail to provide realistic solutions within their books. Readers easily mistake It Ends With Us to be a romance tale because the people involved in its writing and even the movie’s production don’t show enough concern about the abuse dynamics being portrayed. It doesn’t make sense for something meant to raise awareness to be disguised as a love story, but it easily happens when ignorance and greed are plentiful. Blake Lively, the actress who played the main character in the film, created an unwelcome environment for real victims through some of her thoughts in interviews. In one instance, NBC News states that “an interviewer [asked] Lively how viewers who identified with the film’s darker themes could approach her about the subject. Lively [responded], jokingly, that they could ask her ‘for [her] address or [her] phone number.’” Lively’s reaction to a serious question shows just how careless critical figures are to genuinely connecting with those who’ve been abused. Playing the victim of domestic violence in a movie like this should come with extensive research, education, and support for real survivors. Movies aren’t intended for just entertainment, especially this one. They’re meant to bring attention to societal issues. It seems like Lively only wanted the role for monetary gain because this clearly wasn’t the place for such a joke. Similarly, when asked about the controversy her book had created, Hoover stated, “I try to let readers feel how they want to feel about books that they read. I don’t wanna get too involved in that. It’s a tough subject and if you don’t like reading about those kinds of things, then it’s probably not the book and not the film for you” (The Hollywood Reporter). While she tries to defend her work by saying it’s not for everyone, she doesn’t provide any insight on how it could be used to help victims cope or find help, because she knows she hasn’t written it in a way that could benefit them. It’s distasteful for an author to have so little to say about an issue that their own book could have brought light to. 

Even though It Ends With Us has done the bare minimum for victims of domestic abuse, there are plenty of reliable resources available and many things that everyone can do to raise awareness. The Christine Ann Domestic Abuse Services is located in Oshkosh and includes a shelter, programs for youth, advocacy for clients, prevention education, and more. There are also opportunities to volunteer, support fundraisers, and donate necessities such as non-perishable food and household supplies. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is also always available and confidential. According to the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental Health, “Advocacy involves a partnership with survivors—listening actively and trusting survivors to be the experts on their own experiences.” This further proves that it’s up to everyone to create a safe environment for victims to heal from trauma through meaningful connections. Media should look to heal, not exploit, experiences they faced.

by Samreen Chahal

Published November 3, 2025

Oshkosh West Index Volume 122 Issue II